that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
