I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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