I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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