how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
