So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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