he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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