don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
