I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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