That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
