i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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