You can't special order awesome
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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