woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Never underestimate the power of titties
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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