Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
