wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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