she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
