Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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