Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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