I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
