3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
