If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
