You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
