totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
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