Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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