She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize