Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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