just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
