I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
