I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
