just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
