my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
