apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
