just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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