True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
