we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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