somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
