Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
