just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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