I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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