I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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