I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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