meet me or not, i'm out of control
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
