is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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