You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
