Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We're too hungover to prance.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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