Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
