Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
