well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
