I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
