I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
