Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
