would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
