tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
