How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
