covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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