you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
